Admitting your in an unhappy marriage isn’t easy but it is necessary, not just for your own health and sanity but also for your children’s.
[tweetherder]Want to know how to rescue your marriage? According to John Gottman, the answer will surprise you.[/tweetherder] >> The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
The wedding cake is long gone. The happy smiles in the photos are, too. If you’re finding that more of your time is spent trying to avoid your spouse, you may be in an unhealthy marriage. Here are some signs of an unhealthy marriage:
Physical abuse – If your spouse is causing you or anyone in your family physical harm, that’s not OK. Contact the police, your doctor and/or a shelter and get out immediately.
Psychological and verbal abuse – Does your spouse criticize everything you do? Does your spouse make you (or anyone in your family) feel terrible; does he or she make withering comments and have a caustic tone? This isn’t healthy either. Depending on the situation you may want to confront your spouse, seek therapy or psychological help for you and/or your spouse.
Does your spouse control all the money, all the bills, the temperature of the house, the utilities and anything else that involves a decision? This is another sign of an unhealthy marriage.
Whether its lying about spending time with friends, what went on at the bachelor party or what happened on that business trip, a spouse that cant be trusted is a sign of an unhealthy marriage.
Secret Bank Accounts
Along with lying and control issues, secrets can cause problems in a marriage. A secret bank account is a sign that your spouse either doesn’t trust you, has something to hide or may be involved in illegal activities. This is not a good sign if you’re looking for a healthy marriage.
Sometimes a spouse pulls you away from friends or relatives. Sometimes you pull away yourself once you’re in a new relationship. But if you find yourself in a bubble with just one other person in it, that may be a sign you’re in an unhealthy marriage.
Lack of Trust
If you don’t trust your spouse if you feel you need to check up on him or her, if you’re reading his or her emails, etc. then this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Fighting Every Day
It may sound obvious, but in a healthy relationship, couples don’t fight every day. Sure, everyone argues sometimes. But not all the time.
Its one thing to not argue, but communication is an important part of a relationship. If you and your spouse don’t communicate whether its about your day, your children or whatever else, that’s not healthy.
If some of these signs of an unhealthy relationship are ringing true for you, you might consider talking about them with your spouse or another trusted friend. There are many ways to improve your relationship from self-help books to marriage counselors – and, if you’re in a dangerous situation, your medical professional, a shelter or the police. Relationships are meant to be healthy and positive. You deserve it, and so does your significant other. Good luck.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Marriage is not an easy state to live in. There is newly wedded bliss and then comes the work of the next 20, 30, 40 or 50 years. How can you make your marriage work? There are 7 principles that you will learn in order to do just that in this book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.”
The statistics have said for a while that at least 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce. But, which ones will it be? Author John Gottman has been studying married life for many years during his career. He is director of the Gottman Institute and has studied hundreds of couples and what makes them work or not work. According to him, he can pinpoint a couple that will eventually divorce with about 90 percent accuracy after talking and observing them.
In his book, he determines that talking through problems is not the great answer to the question of a successful marriage. He cites several examples of happy couples who never sit down to discuss their “feelings.” Using quizzes, checklists and exercises, couples can learn to strengthen their bond for life.